Hello all. So It’s been a while since I put up an update about my progress. Life without a thyroid is definitely not a walk in the park but I am making the best of it. I spent half the year paying close attention to my limitations. I would notice when I felt weak and tired but failed to pay attention to those moments where I felt strong and empowered. A few months ago I was feeling extremely manic at all times. I was barely sleeping at night and was overall just a nervous wreck. Turns out my meds were too high and were making me feel hyperthyroid. I got my meds changed and I am feeling pretty good on this new dose. I am due for a recheck next week so we shall see if my meds stay the same or not.

Since I have been feeling pretty good I decided it was time to reclaim my body from cancer and start working out. Started off pretty simple. I was going on long walks, doing yoga, riding bike, swimming, short runs, and using the elliptical. I started noticing how much more energized I felt after I worked out and I started getting addicted to working out. One of my best friends recently started racing and another one of my good friends is a runner and they both kept talking to me about racing and sending me training plans. I felt pretty open to trying anything at this point so I said that I’d try out running. I started doing the training plan that my friend sent me and I really started to notice a change in my mood and energy level. I also starting noticing that each time I went out to run it felt easier and easier. I started feeling like the old me that LOVED working out and pushing through discomfort. I missed that person. I also loveeeee stretching. I missed stretching so much. I used to be so flexible back in my colorguard days. I miss how active I used to be. I had been coming up with excuses about how I couldn’t be active anymore because of my thyroid problems but they were all just excuses. I may not be as strong as I once was but that is ok. The important thing is that I am getting out there and doing my best. I know that my body is going through a lot and still recovering from the madness that was this year and this is my gift to it. I am letting it know that it is still strong and it can still work hard and push through barriers. I am taking a stand against cancer and not letting it take anything away from me (well other than my thyroid). I am not a victim to anything. I am grateful for the lessons cancer has taught me. I am much stronger than I ever thought I could be. 

I started noticing that I was really looking forward to running on my running days. I guess you could say I was falling in love with being active again. My body feels great. I am making better decisions for myself and I am giving cancer the middle finger :). My friend is stoked that I am loving my runs and decided to bring up the idea of doing a race with her. I of course was hesitant in saying yes at first. I thought about it for a few days and then told her that I would do it. Why not, right? I have plenty of time to train and work my way up to 13.1 miles (I will do shorter races first of course)! I want to do it because a few months ago I was in bed feeling sorry for myself thinking that I was never going to have energy again. I am done with that. Even when I am having a “bad no thyroid day” I still want to push as much as I can and do my best. There is no reason to feel sorry for myself. 

They say people come into your life for a reason and lately that has been 100% true! I couldn’t have planned any of this. All I know is that 5-6 months ago I was feeling lost. I was so stressed out with school and trying to figure out how to cope with all the changes my body was going through and then out of no where people came back into my life and with that brought me a whole new perspective and happiness. I am grateful for that because I really needed it. I was feeling so lost and now I feel like a new person. A mix of the old me and new me put together and feeling pretty damn good about it :) 

My doctor is still keeping an eye on my thyroglobulin antibodies. If they continue to rise he wants me to have the radioactive iodine treatment (internal radiation for thyroid cancer) but both him and I have been avoiding RAI at all costs. We both really want to put it off for as long as possible (if not forever!). There is a chance I won’t need it (a pretty good one at that) but you never know SOoooo please keep your fingers crossed/say a prayer that my labs show up clean :) Thanks guys! :) 

<3 

I can’t wait for my next appointment. There is no way that my meds are correct right now. I am feeling very hypo right now…extreme fatigue and vertigo…Caffeine does nothing to help me. Cancer you suck! Thanks for taking my thyroid away from me and making me feel like a plastic bag… (yea Firework reference…) anyway just trying to ignite the light (there I go again) and get back to living my life. I am happy I have so much going on in my life to be proud of right now. I just want the energy to really enjoy it! Well that’s all! 

Peace and Love, 

Ruthie 

Today I had my 6 month follow-up with the oncologist. We spoke about the fact that I might still have the radioactive iodine treatment. I find out for sure when I meet with my endo next month. Basically my Tg levels are not a 0 so if they don’t go down to 0 they want to give me a low dose of RAI to try and kill any remaining thyroid cells in my body. 

So when you have something removed from your body that your body actually uses to survive, you become a student to your own body. Everyday I am learning more and more about the “new me” Mostly it is little things but then there are the big things that affect my everyday life. I have such a hard time with energy these days. I went out last night till late and my body just doesn’t want to recover. It wants to stay in bed. So that is just what I am doing. Last night I went out to dinner and drinks with my cousins. I had a great time. I mostly drank water and some soda to keep me awake (couldn’t stop yawning). I didn’t want to drink alcohol because lately every time I drink my stomach gets really upset. I feel nauseous and it just doesn’t seem worth it to drink lately. Well last night I decided to have ONE shot with my cousin. Just one shot. nothing big. something mild. I got home last night and went to bed and couldn’t fall asleep because my stomach hurt and I was nauseous. I couldn’t believe it. I felt how I feel if I’ve had multiple strong drinks. How could I feel this way after one small shot? I began to ask around on my online support group/resource group and a lot of other people have noticed the same thing. Crazy! I never thought that losing your thyroid would alter your ability to drink alcohol! Guess you learn something new everyday!

Has this happened to anyone else with thyroid problems or no thyroid?

I’ve always loved this song. It is so beautiful and it really shows how I feel about music. Today It came on and I had a very different reaction to it. My eyes teared up. I think it is because of everything my vocal chords have been through. I know to you it seems like they have been through nothing…after all around 2 weeks after surgery my voice finally started sounding normal but you don’t feel what I feel inside my neck…or the energy that goes into talking when they are tired and weak. You don’t feel the ball that grows the more I sing/talk or the feeling of it cracking when you try to hit a note you used to be able to hit with no problem before surgery. I love music so much and I love singing so much more. I am by means no professional singer but it is just something that brings me so much happiness. This song is so amazing and I appreciate my voice so much more now. I wish I would have sang the entire way to the hospital before my surgery. Although I was doing something pretty awesome during that car ride..I was rewatching my get well video (LOVE YOU KATYCATS!!) I am not complaining I love my life and I know how truly lucky I am and my tears are not a sign of sadness..they are a sign of appreciation and love. Music is THAT powerful. It is that magical. It is everything.

So I know I have been neglecting my Tumblr site lately and I apologize for that. I’ve been dealing with a lot and just kind of went into “hermit” mode. I have been feeling a bit “off” lately. I was doing so well after surgery. So pumped over it being over and getting back to my life but as time passed my energy level disappeared. I have been feeling so tired lately. Also, I’ve noticed that I get sore really easily. It doesn’t take much for my muscles to feel overworked and weakened. I feel so pathetic. I am 29 years old and I don’t have the energy for much. Lately all I feel like doing is laying in bed and watching TV.

I am going to go see my Dr in a few weeks to get my levels checked. I’m hoping he ups my dose of Synthroid.

I wrote this for another site I use for support..but wanted to share it here. “Hey thyroid(less) family…Just need to express some unspoken thoughts - I want to cry. I haven’t truly cried in months. I want that feeling of release when I cry. Instead I feel something, TRY to cry but instead feel like I am forcing it and stop trying because it just doesn’t want to come out. I don’t know why I can’t just release my tears. It is so frustrating. I used to be such an emotional person and able to cry at a TV commercial now I just feel so blocked. I have been feeling really anxious lately (yea I know I just spoke about that in another post) but this anxiety is more than just forgetting to turn stuff off…I keep thinking of people I love that have died in the last few years and of people I love that I am scared to lose. It makes me scared to go out of town and leave them. I feel cemented to my hometown for that reason. Scared to go on vacations. I am trying to be strong and keep it all together and not talk to people about these thoughts/fears but it’s tearing me apart to NOT talk about them. Thanks for listening.”

I almost pulled my mom aside today to talk to her about it but then I though I might lose it if I try talking to her about that and I don’t have the energy for that..but wow that is ass backwards..I WANT that release but at the same time feel as if I don’t have the energy to deal with it?

Oh and this is the post I put up about anxiety before “Hey all. So lately I have a lot of anxiety when leaving my house. My mind fails me and I often have to reenter the house a few times to make sure the oven is off, iron unplugged, dogs in their room, etc etc Ill drive away feel anxiety and turn around to recheck everything. I thought about making a check list to leave the house to ease my anxiety but the thought of needing to do that scares me. I wish my mind just would be clearer. As you all may remember a few weeks ago I left candles burning in my house one evening when I went out. I don’t want the anxiety taking over my life but I don’t fully trust my mind. I find myself getting really paranoid that I left things on or plugged in.”

I don’t know what is wrong with me lately. I feel so disconnected. I thought I was doing so well but now I feel like parts of me are coming apart. I think I am going to try meditating and praying.

My friend called me the other day to tell me she was prepping a patient for thyroid removal surgery and her patient was very nervous. She told her patient about me and the about the amazing support I’ve found online and her patient started asking her tons of questions to ask me. My friend called me and I unloaded so much information on her to tell her patient.

After I hung up with my friend I started to think about what it was like for me a month ago. I’ve come so far already. It takes going through this to know what it truly feels like. When I returned to school and everything people thought “oh she is back and good as new” but in reality inside of me my body was still a mess (and still is). From the racing heartbeat to the hot flashes and the extreme fatigue I was not feeling much like myself. Still today a month later I still have this strange feeling in my throat and I still don’t have my full vocal range back. I know it will take time and I am patient with it. I am so grateful for where I am right now…especially when I look at this picture! It’s been a journey but a great one..one that has allowed me to learn so much about myself and grow as a person.

I really want to thank everyone that helped me through this journey. I have made many friends that have gone through this that I can ask questions. It’s such an incredible thing. I want to be that person that is able to help others through her own experiences. This is why I put myself out there for everyone to know what I was going through. It’s also why I made my youtube page http://www.youtube.com/user/ThyCaFirework

So the next step in my treatment begins in about a little under 2 months. I begin hormone therapy. I’m both nervous and excited. I’ve heard it described as a “roller-coaster” of emotions. Why be excited? Well the faster I begin it..the faster it’s over! haha

For those of you that don’t know what hormone therapy is it’s basically this: “synthetic thyroid hormone is used: 1) to replace the function of a failing, failed, or removed thyroid gland (replacement therapy), and 2) to prevent further growth of thyroid tissue (suppression therapy).”

Suppression therapy is important because no new thyroid tissue = no cancer recurrence! So far I am on the lowest dose of Synthroid but we shall see what my Dr. wants to go in 2 months.

We will continue to check my Tg levels every 2 months to make sure that there is nothing “alive” in there. In 5 months I go in for my first ultrasound since surgery. This will be the first time we really see if there is anything left over or suspicious. Then at my one year mark I will be given a little bit of radioactive iodine in order to do a whole body scan. This scan will tell us if there are any thyroid cells anywhere in my body absorbing the iodine (RAI; just in case you didn’t know thyroid cells are the only cells in the body that absorb iodine).

My journey is not yet over…I don’t think it ever will be. This is a part of my life and always will be. I will forever have to check for recurrences. I’m okay with that. Just like you may have high blood pressure or asthma (er..I also have that) or whatever chronic condition…I have cancer.