Hello all. So It’s been a while since I put up an update about my progress. Life without a thyroid is definitely not a walk in the park but I am making the best of it. I spent half the year paying close attention to my limitations. I would notice when I felt weak and tired but failed to pay attention to those moments where I felt strong and empowered. A few months ago I was feeling extremely manic at all times. I was barely sleeping at night and was overall just a nervous wreck. Turns out my meds were too high and were making me feel hyperthyroid. I got my meds changed and I am feeling pretty good on this new dose. I am due for a recheck next week so we shall see if my meds stay the same or not.

Since I have been feeling pretty good I decided it was time to reclaim my body from cancer and start working out. Started off pretty simple. I was going on long walks, doing yoga, riding bike, swimming, short runs, and using the elliptical. I started noticing how much more energized I felt after I worked out and I started getting addicted to working out. One of my best friends recently started racing and another one of my good friends is a runner and they both kept talking to me about racing and sending me training plans. I felt pretty open to trying anything at this point so I said that I’d try out running. I started doing the training plan that my friend sent me and I really started to notice a change in my mood and energy level. I also starting noticing that each time I went out to run it felt easier and easier. I started feeling like the old me that LOVED working out and pushing through discomfort. I missed that person. I also loveeeee stretching. I missed stretching so much. I used to be so flexible back in my colorguard days. I miss how active I used to be. I had been coming up with excuses about how I couldn’t be active anymore because of my thyroid problems but they were all just excuses. I may not be as strong as I once was but that is ok. The important thing is that I am getting out there and doing my best. I know that my body is going through a lot and still recovering from the madness that was this year and this is my gift to it. I am letting it know that it is still strong and it can still work hard and push through barriers. I am taking a stand against cancer and not letting it take anything away from me (well other than my thyroid). I am not a victim to anything. I am grateful for the lessons cancer has taught me. I am much stronger than I ever thought I could be. 

I started noticing that I was really looking forward to running on my running days. I guess you could say I was falling in love with being active again. My body feels great. I am making better decisions for myself and I am giving cancer the middle finger :). My friend is stoked that I am loving my runs and decided to bring up the idea of doing a race with her. I of course was hesitant in saying yes at first. I thought about it for a few days and then told her that I would do it. Why not, right? I have plenty of time to train and work my way up to 13.1 miles (I will do shorter races first of course)! I want to do it because a few months ago I was in bed feeling sorry for myself thinking that I was never going to have energy again. I am done with that. Even when I am having a “bad no thyroid day” I still want to push as much as I can and do my best. There is no reason to feel sorry for myself. 

They say people come into your life for a reason and lately that has been 100% true! I couldn’t have planned any of this. All I know is that 5-6 months ago I was feeling lost. I was so stressed out with school and trying to figure out how to cope with all the changes my body was going through and then out of no where people came back into my life and with that brought me a whole new perspective and happiness. I am grateful for that because I really needed it. I was feeling so lost and now I feel like a new person. A mix of the old me and new me put together and feeling pretty damn good about it :) 

My doctor is still keeping an eye on my thyroglobulin antibodies. If they continue to rise he wants me to have the radioactive iodine treatment (internal radiation for thyroid cancer) but both him and I have been avoiding RAI at all costs. We both really want to put it off for as long as possible (if not forever!). There is a chance I won’t need it (a pretty good one at that) but you never know SOoooo please keep your fingers crossed/say a prayer that my labs show up clean :) Thanks guys! :) 

<3 

I can’t wait for my next appointment. There is no way that my meds are correct right now. I am feeling very hypo right now…extreme fatigue and vertigo…Caffeine does nothing to help me. Cancer you suck! Thanks for taking my thyroid away from me and making me feel like a plastic bag… (yea Firework reference…) anyway just trying to ignite the light (there I go again) and get back to living my life. I am happy I have so much going on in my life to be proud of right now. I just want the energy to really enjoy it! Well that’s all! 

Peace and Love, 

Ruthie 

Today I had my 6 month follow-up with the oncologist. We spoke about the fact that I might still have the radioactive iodine treatment. I find out for sure when I meet with my endo next month. Basically my Tg levels are not a 0 so if they don’t go down to 0 they want to give me a low dose of RAI to try and kill any remaining thyroid cells in my body. 

“There are people who have been on this cancer path before me, and they have made some grooves in the road where i can settle my feet down. I thank them for that and want to do the same for others. I don’t want to save anybody. I know you cant do that. I just want to sit with people. I remember the immense loneliness and think that just sitting with someone can be very powerful. In this way, I think of my cancer as a gift because I’m very hard-headed, and i think cancer knocked me on my ass and is forcing me to get some important shit done in this lifetime that I wasn’t going to do any other way”

From Everything Changes the insider’s guide to cancer in your 20s and 30s by Kairol Rosenthal (Thyca survivor)

This book is so good! Must read for anyone dealing with cancer in their “I’m too young for this” stage of life.

Speaking of: I had a dream last night that I was having radiation and I woke up thinking that I was radioactive. WTF ugh one more week till I know what’s next in my treatment…one more week.

Doing some research for my directed study…trying to decide where to put my focus and I my friend Stacey gave me a chapter to read that she found helpful and just wanted to share a part of it with everyone :)

“Unfortunately, physicians often receive little or no training in communication skills. Doctors are confronted daily with patients’ fears and insecurities, which may be increased or alleviated during visits. When communication is abrupt and cursory, the patient is left with unanswered questions, misunderstandings, and additional fears that may negatively affect the treatment outcome. To doctors who give orders rather than offer explanations, “difficult” patients are those who ask many questions and expect to participate in their health care. Doctors who demand patient compliance, ignore patient input, and act too busy to care are “difficult” doctors.

We want doctors to be something more than mechanics. We expect them to pay attention to our concerns and treat us with compassion as well as competence - a lot to ask, but the only path to successful treatment. We appreciate new technology but abhor its overuse. Treatment of the whole patient is essential - not just test results, isolated symptoms, or body parts, but the whole human being. We benefit most from doctors who communicate well, behave respectfully, and consider alternative approaches to healing and medicine, exercise, and nutrition. All healing is scientific, according to Bernie Siegel, M.D., even when we cannot explain how the healing occurs.

Patients and doctors each have responsibilities in their relationship. A true partnership between doctor and patient combines the perceptions and strengths of both based on a foundation of communication, trust, and mutual participation.”

Katrina Berne “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and Other Invisible Illnesses” Chapter - Medical Care

After all I’ve been going through lately I couldn’t agree with this more. Not just with medical Dr’s either psychologists can be just as bad at using a checklist of symptoms to meet criteria in order to diagnose and collect their money. We have to stop this. There needs to be a change in the way we treat human beings in both the medical and mental health field. Oh and just in case you were wondering…there is no such thing as a good cancer and no we don’t like hearing that as cancer patients!

I love what Fran Drescher has to say about being a patient…we are not patients we are consumers and as consumers we need to be educated. That’s the second part of all of this. I hate leaving a Dr’s office feeling as if I have no say in anything. That I am a number to them. Thank god my Endocrinologist nor Oncologist treat me this way..they are both amazing Doctors!! There are so many other Dr’s out there that I’ve had that run through a list and ask questions and if I don’t know any better about the topic I have no idea what to ask or if a proper examination even took place.

I need to be the change I want to see! Directed study…..you are going to be amazing once I figure out how to narrow down what the freak I really want to write about. What aspect of my thoughts will make a great directed study…hm…Must keep reading to find out :)

People are reaching out to me from all over the place. What I’ve been going through has changed my opinion of people and how I believed the human race was doomed to a future of selfishness and narcissistic tendencies. I have seen people send so much positive energy to me from all over the globe. Not to mention the people I know in my life personally that never stop loving me (I can feel it..you don’t need to tell me or show me…I feel it!).

As you know singing or lack there of is my major concern right now. Today in class we had to do mock therapy and it was couples therapy. I played therapist and the “couple” was screaming over each other and I tried to talk over them and It was the first time I realized…I can’t. I can only speak at one level right now. If I try to raise my voice it just disappears. Nothing comes out - maybe a tiny squeaking sound. Now my voice is strained and I’m concerned. This is some advice I just received

“Getting my singing voice back was just as hard as getting my speaking voice back, and even being able to turn my head was something I had to relearn. All it takes is time for you to heal, so take advantage of that and take care of yourself! It took me a few months to get complete control of my voice again. If you’ve seen my videos post-operation, you’ll notice that mine is back to normal (except for the fact that it’s no longer as squeaky as it was, it’s more in a lower register now.) As for what your doctor said about you not being able to get your full range back, I think that’s a lie. ;)

I never had lessons, but I know how to push the limits of my voice. I also thought I wouldn’t get my range back, and I didn’t for a while, but if you train your voice a certain way then I think you can definitely do it. Just try! It’s worth it :)
Know that vocal chord damage can be caused by a lot of strain on it especially when your throat is tender, so PLEASE take care! If I’m sick and want to sing I’ll take lemon juice and honey :)

I’m doing great now, a happy first year in college just trying to get by. On the 15th my surgery will have been two years ago, I just noticed that! So long :o

Let me know if you have any more questions! :)
-Dana”

Dana - you are my inspiration! I will be as determined as you and do what I need to do to get my voice back to where it once was.